Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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