if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
