They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
