There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
