I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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