So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
