ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
