I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
