Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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