so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize