So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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