Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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