What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
vagina is talking i cant
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
