This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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