I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
