Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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