haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I currently don't understand fingers.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
