it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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