I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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