We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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