you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All the doctor said was why
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
