I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
