Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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