is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
