i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize