just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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