Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
