if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
