Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
