ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
