3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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