I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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