ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
