you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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