I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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