I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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