So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
