I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
