When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
