yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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