If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
