How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
