I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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