Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
