it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
