I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
