OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My cat gives me a boner
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
