he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
