So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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