I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
