We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
