Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All I want is dick and wine.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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