I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
