wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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