i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
