this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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