I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
