so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
