i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
