11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm going to jail i love you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize