I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
