How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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