Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So squirting runs in the family.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
