he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
