I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
