Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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