Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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