So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
