I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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