Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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